


broken like me

by localopa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Soulmarks, Soulmates AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23815612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localopa/pseuds/localopa
Summary: we were only supposed to be friends
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	broken like me

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhh! i barely made it out with time. i got a switch and that takes away from me wanting to write but i did it! another fic in the bag! thank you to kirstin for being my cheerleader, rachel as always for betaing my fics, and a big fuck u to the scammer i got in contact with recently. title of this fic is from broken by lovelytheband. enjoy.
> 
> xx. oliver

the beginning of the end started when harry noticed a familiar mark on louis’ wrist. 

familiar, because he has the same exact mark on his thigh. 

louis has always worn long sleeves, even during the heat of the summer when all he would do is sweat through all his shirts but refused to take them off. he never pulled the sleeves up, kept the ends bundled around his hands so nobody could peak at the skin hiding underneath. 

harry always figured he had scars there, deep scars from an injury during childhood or from his own self infliction. he wanted to talk about it with him, wanted to tell him that it was alright, that he didn’t always have to put up a front. but he never got the chance; they were almost never alone between friends and family. 

the mark on louis’ wrist was a sailboat and some waves, or at least he thinks there’s a sailboat. the waves he knew were there, but as quick as he saw them, as quick it was gone. louis pulled down the sleeve of his shirt, face turning pale. 

“you didn’t see that,” he forces out, chest heaving. “please tell me you didn’t see that.”

and the thing is, harry wants to calm him down. wants to take louis into his arms and tell him it’s okay, he didn’t see the waves on his wrist. 

but he can’t, because lies eat at harry like a piranha. his eyes well up with tears as he shakes his head. “no, i did. i did see it.”

soulmate marks were never meant to be covered up. they were meant to be out in the open, for all to see, so you could easily find your soulmate. the marks were always the same, seldom in the same spot. 

he doesn’t understand why louis is so anxious over this. why louis has his mark covered up. 

“we were only supposed to be friends,” he mumbles. “we were only supposed to be friends, i can’t be  _ gay _ .”

the words hit harry like a ton of bricks, knocking the wind out of him. what does louis mean? are they soulmates, then? from what he remembers seeing, the waves matched the ones on his thigh. could it actually be that they’re soulmates?

it was no secret to anyone how harry felt about louis. well, everyone but louis. he adores the older boy, friends always saying he looked at him like he hung all the stars in the sky. if it weren’t for the marks, he’s sure he would’ve made a move on louis already. 

“what do you mean,  _ ‘you can’t be gay’? _ louis, it doesn’t matter, right? we’re  _ soulmates _ , lou. that has to mean something, yeah?”

“yes, it does matter!” louis yells, scooting away from harry. “i’m not meant to be gay. i’m meant to find my soulmate, a  _ girl _ , settle down and have a family with  _ her _ . i’m not supposed to… to…”

“be gay,” harry finishes. he can already feel the tears welling up in his eyes. why him? finding your soulmate was supposed to be a magical event, something that changes your life forever. “how long have you known?”

louis takes in a shaky breath. “known about the marking? since i met you. you had on those too short shorts, the ones that show it off. it took me a minute but i realized it matched…” he cuts himself off, moving further away from harry. 

“you don’t have to move away from me, you know? i’m not going to jump you.” harry moves into the space louis left, causing the other boy to move even further. “it’s never been a problem before, why can’t we be closer?” 

“because i’m not gay, harry,” louis says with venom in his voice. 

“i get it, you’re not gay. doesn’t mean you can’t be bi or pan o-“

“shut up! i’m none of those things!” louis covers his ears, squeezes his eyes shut. “i’m not gay, i’m not bi, i’m not anything but  _ straight _ , just leave me the hell alone!”

louis’ breathing heavy, fists balled in his lap. harry watches as louis attempts to calm himself down, angry tears rolling down his cheeks that weren’t there before. he wants to reach out and wipe them away, hold louis close and tell him everything is going to be alright. because everything  _ will _ , if louis just accepts that he might happen like guys. 

“what’s wrong with being gay?” harry asks quietly, wanting to reach out and hold louis. 

it takes a while for him to answer, hot tears continuing to roll down his face. “my dad left me when i was six,” he starts, shifting so his legs are pressed to his chest, chin on his knees. “he told me i -“ he cuts himself off, a sob wracking through him. “that i could never be a man. because i was gay. i didn’t even know what gay meant, but i knew it was bad. because he left us because of me.” louis brings his face to his knees, sobbing quietly into them. 

“oh, lou,” harry says gently, scooting over to him and wrapping his arms around him. 

“he said that i was broken, because i would never have kids. and that i’d never amount to anything.”

louis continues to sob, breathing uneven. harry never leaves his side, rubbing his sides and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. he never wants louis to feel like this again, never wants louis to be ashamed of who he was. 

time passes around them, and soon it’s dark out. harry doesn’t want louis leaving him, tightening his grip on him. 

“please stay,” he whispers, knocking his head against louis’. 

he hesitates before saying, “okay.”

it’s the most relieved since he’s found out. 

-

harry wakes up with louis’ back to him in the same bed. there’s a sizable space between the two and he tries not to think about it. he can tell that louis’ awake, has been awake, but he doesn’t move to tell him that he’s now conscious. 

“can feel your eyes on me,” louis mumbles, turning to look at harry. 

well, there goes that. 

louis turns over, the distance between them still there. he looks smaller than he usually does, curled up in on himself. harry wants to reach out and break the wall that louis is building, but he stays in his place. 

“i should be going…” louis says, not making a move to go. 

“please don’t,” harry mumbles. he doesn’t take his eyes off of louis, taking him in. 

louis sighs. “whatever you’re going to say, just say it.”

harry is taken aback. “i think you should give us a chance.” 

in lieu of a reply, louis gets out of bed, harry following suit. “no, louis,” he sounds desperate as he grabs louis’ wrist. “please listen to me.”

louis is trying to tug his arm out of harry’s grip, looking incredibly uncomfortable. eventually, he stops tugging, eyes wandering over his face. “okay.”

“i think you should give us a chance. i know we’re supposed to be together in some way shape or form, that’s what the soul marks are for, yeah? for us to find who we’re meant to be with. maybe this is a sign? and it doesn’t mean you have to be gay. you can be anything you want to be. just, give us a chance? before you make any rash decisions?”

harry is looking at louis with pleading eyes, waiting with bated breath for answers. 

“but i’m broken,” louis eventually says. “i don’t have a real dad, i’m a disappointment, and i’m… i’m…” he starts to hyperventilate, shaking his harry’s grip. 

harry is on him in a second, holding him and whispering in his ear that it’s going to be alright,  _ they’re  _ going to be alright. and it takes a while before louis is calm again, angry tears in his eyes. harry’s there for him, like he always is, holding him and telling him stupid shit to make him smile. 

“we can be broken together,” he offers, pulling away to look at louis. “how does that sound?”

louis looks back at him, an inkling of a smile on his face. “i think i’d like that.”

harry smiles back, teeth showing. “so, we’re in this together, right?” louis nods. “and we’ll be broken together. nobody can defeat us now.” he pokes louis’ side, causing him to giggle. 

“nobody,” louis says, leaning over to kiss harry on the lips. when he pulls away, he’s smiling just as bright as harry. 

“nobody.”

**Author's Note:**

> tell me if you cried on tumblr @ voulezloux


End file.
